Shaking in my boots

I'm just short of two weeks until my move... and I don't know where my mind ends or begins at this point. I've been so stressed about packing, saying goodbyes, and getting my classes together that I've almost forgotten about the more important things.

Saturday was Aunt Helen's funeral. She was a great woman, a saint in fact... and very dear to my own family. Seeing all the extended Cracroft family was overwhelming. Cousins I've never seen before, uncles I haven't seen since I was a baby; literally everyone. She had a peaceful passing though surrounded by family on this side of the world and the other. I'm not much of a religious goon, but as she died my family had asked her if she could see them, and she shook her head no. They proceeded to ask her if she could see her husband, she shook her head violently yes. They continued with her mom and dad, and her brothers that had passed before her. She could see them all.

Death is an interesting thing, and when you've got someone so close to the other side, you wonder more about the true destination of our souls. Entering into the medical field just might be the step up into answering some of these questions. Being close to people on the brink of death makes me feel somewhat closer to my mother, but it also draws a lot of blanks in my mind as to why she had to leave us at such a young age. It's just weird that someone can be here one day, and completely lifeless the next. Where did that last breath go? Why did that heart stop beating?

I wonder who reads my blog

I'm having the worst boating withdrawals... I've decided in my future life that me and my husband will have a cabin up north, two husky dogs and a boat. That's all I want. And we'll go boating every other day.

I learned to wakeboard this weekend. I jumped some cliffs. Was last man standing on some rediculous tube rides... but seriously. I can't get my mind off that last run Sunday night with the sun at my back, crossing the wake and carving hard to the right of the boat, leaning my weight against the rope and smiling ear to ear. I'm not sure why, but it was a blissful moment for me where nothing mattered. I need to get on the water again.

On another note, I don't know what the hell to do with this blog.

Where I'm at/ my mental procese (plural)

Right now I have an obsession with Deadmau5 and The Glitch Mob... my music tastes run in cycles. I'm working at Vivint in the ICE department. Call centers... yee-uh. My favorite peice of clothing is my Urban booties. I'm wanting to dye my hair brown... change. In the process of buying a vehicle. Not going too swell. I'm craving a hike up bridal veil with my new camelbak. Ringo Starr is the love of my life... the old Ringo anyways. I don't have a facebook... again. Someone needs to make up my mind for me about that thing. Why? No reason. I just pressed deactivate one day. I need to get back to the gym. I'm missing my high school friends and need to reuinite with them soon. I need to brush up on my glowstringing skillz. My dad is the coolest person I know. I wish I was a badass I will admit. I have not bought a new item of clothing in THE longest time. This blog really needs an updating... maybe this week I won't be so lazy as to do something about it. Morgan Freeman's "Through The Wormhole" is the best show. I play the "anatomy of the skull" game on my iPhone for fun. I can read your mind. I miss a lot of people. I love the spontaniety I've been feeling lately. And I really need to close the computer and go to bed.

Moving forward

I'm sitting in my room listening to Massive Attack as I compile all the pictures of my high school experience to start putting into a memory book. It got me thinking about all of the changes that are going to be occurring within the next few months. Jobs, moving out, friends, family, college, everything. The easiest way to figure out where I'm going is to look at where I've been. Without the past, there is no present, and definitely no future. It's interesting to see how much I've changed in these few short years in high school and in Utah. I'm scared to see what my future holds...

EDIT: (about five minutes later...) What I'm trying to say is, don't forget who you were before you figure out who you are.

Update

I was rudely awakened this morning with the sense that I was late for work... after a phone call I soon realized I didn't have to be there until four. So now I'm awake at an unusually early time for myself. I feel I should update you on the events of my life since I last blogged. So here goes. (In most recent order because I'm and idiot and posted the pictures backwards. Ha.)
If we're friends on facebook, you've probably seen our Beatle obsession... this is just a taste. Jessie, Maddie, Aubree and I have started watching all of the old Beatle's films and have taken a liking to each of the Beatles as our own... mine being Ringo Starr. Facebook name changes, pictures, tattooing The Beatles and their lyrics all over our bodies, music, posters, movies, accents, tee-shirts... everything. If we're friends, you'll just have to learn to deal with it.

After a grusome last few weeks in high school and a few less than lame activities I finally GRADUATED. East Shore had to have been my most memorable part of high school... and not in a good way.

After our senior all-nighter, I went up the canyon with Taylor and Jessie to camp for the night. We arrived at the campground and were completely set up to sleep by five AM. Not ideal, but we managed to get in a couple hours of shut eye.

And there's the start of summer. Me Jessie and Maddie at Scera pool catching some rays. There's something different about this summer though... and nobody can quite put their thumb on it. It feels almost empty in a way, maybe because I know in the fall I'm not going back to high school. Everyone feels the need to be productive with this last summer, but I feel anything but.

Lost and Found

Currently staring at a pile of clean sheets while sitting atop my unmade bed, listening to Crimewave by Crystal Castles... this is my life lately. Summer has brought me a bunch of displaced motivation.

Monday starts my new job with vivint. Hopefully working a real 12-9 job will get me into some sort of routine. Needless to say a couple grand to start off my college career.

This last week I visited St. George for orientation, finalized my apartment and move in date, and signed up for classes. Want to hear how fantastic these classes of mine are? None of my classes start before 12pm... leaving time for sleep, job, whatever. Monday and Wednesdays I have anatomy, sophmore English, then the anatomy lab. Tuesdays I go to SCUBA class and a lab at the pool. (This is what I anticipate the most...) Thursdays I have psycology, and Friday just anatomy with no lab. I'm quite excited to start learning about things that actually hold an interest in my life.

I realize it's been a while since my last post, but I feel the urge to keep writing. Writing for myself mostly. Things have changed a lot. Even reading posts from months ago I think how much growth I have experienced since. Writing is a way of stepping back and looking at yourself, to make life changes or improve. So I leave on a question that has been lurking somewhere in the cerebral cortex for some time now; who do I want to be and where am I going?

I'm gonna find this guy and marry him

DHSBS vs. PhD

Lazy days. Losing track of the time. The only number keeping me alive is those 85 until graduation. Thank the lord.

High school should just teach all of the required information for life... not all the extra crap. Honestly, I don't think I've learned any of my knowledge this year from school. I've just gotten really good at BS-ing things and getting good grades for them. Not only will I be graduating with my high school diploma, but a degree in High School Bull-Shitting.

Amidst writing an English essay, downloading some chill music.

30 days without facebook on Saturday? Here's the conclusions I have come to without facebook...

1) It is almost impossible to network: meaning that I'm constantly meeting new people, with no way of contacting them, ever.

2) You spend a lot more of your time on the computer being productive: unimaginable, I know. I've applied for numerous scholarships and composed emails. Also browsed the web researching for "fun."

3) You could care less about what others are up to: it's slightly less depressing to not have all those statuses about how much fun people had at concerts you wish you went to.

4) Post-addiction you often catch yourself typing "facebo..." into your web-browser, before pressing backspace.

5) People aren't obsessed with your life! Post something on facebook and you're bound to hear about it the next day.

More to come, but for now... that essay is calling my name.

Last night a DJ saved my life

I forgot how much I love disco skating! I went with Maddie M. and Jessie last night. We all attempted at dressing up. My outfit was pretty badass. We decided I looked like a polygamist figure skater.

Don't even bother calling me on Saturday nights anymore, I'm gonna be disco skating.

On Friday night I got a peacock feather extension put into my hair. I'm not all the way used to it because it's tugging on my scalp a little bit, but it's pretty rad.

Got a crap load of homework to do tonight because I put it off all week and weekend. Kill me. See ya later.

My favorite disco song...

TGIF

I hate the radio anymore. Maybe because I listen to NOTHING. I like my dubstep, my Weezy, and my Beatles. That is all.

I'm sitting here half naked at the computer as I slurp (such an ugly word) on my Sonic happy hour vanilla coke. My vice.

Looking into a new car. COLLEGE car. My dream would be a white Mazda2 or Mazda 3 hatchback... but I doubt that'll be happenin.

Ughhhhhh

I want to graduate... TODAY.
I want to hike the red rocks.
I want my CNA.
I want to start working in the clinic.
I want cash flow.
I want to meet new people.
I want to go to Vegas for the weekend cause I felt like it.
I want gossipy high school girls to fall off the edge of the planet.
I want track to be over.
I want my new laptop.
I want to go cliff jumping.
I want to yell off the side of a mountain.
I want to sleep all day and never wake up.
I NEED to do my homework.
I NEED to go to class.
I NEED to do two more packets.

Empty brain-flow for the day.

Ancient World Civ

I love Ancient World Civilizations. I love history, world or American.

Our most recent project assigned was to research a world religion and report on it. Not sure if it's a paper or a presentation yet, but I'm in the middle of the notes process.

Anywho, I chose Taoism/Daoism. We're on the ancient China unit in class and the book barely touched on this subject, but I decided to dive deeper into the research. When I told my dad about my religion of choice, he said, "alright, but you should have picked Judeism or something easy. Taoism is hard to understand..." I replied, "Good, I don't want something easy."

The opening words of the Tao Te Ching, or the Taoist bible basically, reads:

"The Way that can be described is not the true Way."
"The Name that can be named is not the constant Name."

It's been open for interpretation as long as the Tao Te Ching has been translated into English. Most philosiphers understand this as preparing the reader for things unteachable. Basically, even limiting the religion to a name, Tao/Dao is dangerous, because it's binding something which is all things to a name.

Taoists believe that we are all made up of stars, just like everything else in the universe. There are no Gods, just the ancestors. Tao practices the heavy influence and worship of ancestors past. Just like a peach tree grows from the earth, we are all just products of the earth also. And our stressors or anger are disrupting the flow of the earth, because there is a natural way in which everything is supposed to work out.

I find the religion to be very influencal. I mean, it's already shaped China for several millenia. Many things have been driven from the ancient religion, like astrology and horoscopes, yoga, many forms of martial arts, and even Pokemon!

If I were to be reborn again I would have definitely picked to grow up in this religion. Why do you think the Chinese live to be so old and wise? It's because of all this meditation, one with the earth, self-healing stuff. Obviously they're doing something right...

Dreams, Superstition, and the Unnatural

(Yes, this is my journal. But all you'll ever see of it.)
I had a super weird and unrealistic dream about prom last night. Which got me thinking; I should share some of my supernatural obsession with my blog readers.

I've always been super fascinated by dreams and what makes us have them.... since as long as I can remember. As I was reading up on them one day this year, an author said that he keeps a journal of all his dreams. Some days may be vague, and some days he might not have any dreams at all. But nonetheless, write them down. I have my own dream journal. I notice that day by day after writing in it, my dreams get clearer and are easier to remember. From there I spend a few minutes researching in various dream dictionaries, looking for what subconcious emotions are bringing up certain imagery. As weird as I may sound for doing all of this, I'm merely just intrigued by the way our minds work. (and I have discovered a lot about my subconcious than you'd think...)

I've had some instances where I write my dreams down, and have to revisit them later in the week, because something that I saw looked or felt familiar. Like a month ago, I had a dream in which we were standing in an empty house of my friend's, because he was about to move to Logan. I wrote it down and didn't think anything of it. That Saturday we stood in the same friend's house, emptied, because he was getting ready to move to Logan. I'm trying to think nothing more of it than a strange coincidence.

Though I could go on this tangent for hours, I'll spare you. You're probably already thinking, wow Liz, you are extremely weird. But who cares, World of Warcraft or excessive dream researching, we all have some strange obsessions.

This Weeks Faves:

Geisha - Cyberoptix by DubHead
Pro Nails (Rusko Remix) by Wall_Dac
WTF!? & Dead Prez - It's Bigger Than Hip Hop UK by Hypetrak

Sweethearts continued!

We had possibly THE funnest photoshoot ever. Here's the pics from rubberball. My date's dad took them at his studio here in Orem. Ch-ch-check em out!

President's day

Glowsticks by the handfulls found while cleaning my room...
At the mall last night looking at a pair of earrings and thought, "hey, we could have some cool second piercings with those."
So we took them back to my crib, with a piece of ice, and pierced them. Pretty neat.

Two fer

Two posts in one day? Scary.

But this is for Tessie. (Sorry I couldn't copy the image from the site.) Just click and select the cream color.

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=19459015&pushId=SALE_W_DRESSES&popId=SALE_W&navCount=513&navAction=poppushpush&itemCount=80&itemdescription=true&parentid=SALE_W_DRESSES&startValue=1&sortProperties=+subCategoryPosition,price

For everyone else:
Spread this all over your toast.
Jelly (Coma RMX)-Vaski by Jacob Coma

SWEEThearts

Maddie showin off her florals.

Between the legs?

Friend snuggle.

At least 5 outfit changes before the day-date.
(Dance pictures as soon as I get them.)

Well, we had sweethearts last night. We dressed up as TRON! We were the sickest people there no doubt. (not cough cough sick...) We wore all black and shirts that were printed white with the Tron logo. Minutes before the dance we decked out in a bunch of glow-sticks. It was Disney themed, so you know there were those couples decked out as Disney princesses in ballgowns and such... Princess Belle costume < Tron = Major outfit success.

For my friends that read this, no need to re-cap the night entirely. But as my dad likes to refer, remember the 6 P's: Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

No school tomorrow, and snow on the ground... great. I'll probably use the day to get caught up on school work. I'm falling behind a bit.

I was informed today that I'm going to have to wear scrubs to college next year. Also, no nail polish unless it's clear or neutral, one watch that cannot be electric, hair always pulled back, and running shoes. Nothing in my closet right now complies with any of that. Might as well live up my remaining time in high school wearing whatever the dang well I please.

Adios.

Chopped and screwed

My priorities are all out of order and I can't seem to sort them out for the life of me.

Track was alright today, I ran a lap of in and outs and then we had a timed flying 30. My 60m was like an 8.2 today. Which was alright, seeing as how the coach told me one of our fastest girl sprinters got a 8.4 last time they had time trials. I'm expecting a lot of pressure, stress and utter exhaustion out of this season... but I can't say I've got my whole heart in it this year.

I'm running just because everyone around me; coaches, parents, peers are expecting to see me run.

Sluffing has become my weakness... and we're only at midterm. Left during third today. I've gotta go the whole day tomorrow.

I really want a job. I want my own money. Bree's getting her $200 paychecks and I can't keep up.

Between track, keeping up good grades, finishing off these last two stupid packets to be on track to graduate, going to class, home life, social life, $$$, and college crap I am going to explode. There needs to be some serious changes here soon...

Mr. Orem tonight, then our last rivalry game against Mountain View at home tomorrow, so don't expect a post.

Bassnectar - Cozza Frenzy (Archie Cooper's 4 Story Drop Mix) by Archie Cooper

Poppin bottles in the Sweet Shop

For approximately one hour today the heavens were opened and I saw the sun. Thank the lord, because I have been in an AMAZING mood for the remainder. I scurried my behind home during lunch to change into some shorts. Which of course by the end of class I realized was a mistake, because it's currently shady outside. Cruel Utah, real cruel.

Sy took my longboard home to tighten the bearings... my cruise on Saturday was dangerous nonetheless.

I came home to my online orders sitting by the door. I finally got my combat boots... yesssssss.

Tonight I'm going to the intramural bball game. My friends' team "the homies" are playing, and named the first play of the game after me so I'd come. It's an alley-oop to Steve. I'll be happy to hear them shouting "Liz" down the court regardless of whether the play actually works. Haha.

It's Sonic happy hour. Liz is out.

Vinnie Maniscalco - Poppin Bottles in the Sweet Shop (Lil Wayne & Birdman vs. Doctor P) Dubstep D/L Link In Description by vmaniscalco

Today I feel...

Valentines and other scary items of business

It's V-day yet again... and not to be confused with any other "V" words, although, it might as well should be. For my college writing class I had to free-response on a quote from a little pink piece of paper given to us. The quote I chose was one by Cervantes, it reads:

"Lovers are commonly industrious to make themselves uneasy."

I basically just related it to high school, and how dumb we are sometimes. People are always worried about what the other is thinking of them, and how love only exists to make partners question their abilities. I thought it was good, anyway.
Tonight is the night Aubree and I purchase Ke$ha tickets for Friday. I've been heavily contemplating it since the SaltAir was now open with more seating. I don't care if she sucks live, I want to be in spitting distance of her glitter cannon. People probably think I'm weird, but she's kind of my idol. I love how she could care less about what anyone thinks, and if you give her crap she'll kick your ass. About as real as you get. (Not to mention, I would kill for any of her clothing. Who DOESN'T want to wear an Indian headdress to school!?)

English today was about the most Valentines-y my day got. We had to write notes to every person in our class, saying nice things. Mine got a little repetitive between the "let's bang" and "I <3 ur style GURL." Okay, maybe that's a little exaggeration, not everyone in college english writes text speak. But you get the point.

Before I hit the books, here's a lil something from our friends Excision & Datsik...
Excision & Datsik - Swagga by Excision

Never wanted a boys shirt so badly...

I know I steal my brother's shirts a lot, and generally, just like the loose fit a lot better. But I've seen some kids at school with these shirts on lately that I am absolutely nuts for. They run about $30 at Zumies... and I might just have to go get one.