Shaking in my boots

I'm just short of two weeks until my move... and I don't know where my mind ends or begins at this point. I've been so stressed about packing, saying goodbyes, and getting my classes together that I've almost forgotten about the more important things.

Saturday was Aunt Helen's funeral. She was a great woman, a saint in fact... and very dear to my own family. Seeing all the extended Cracroft family was overwhelming. Cousins I've never seen before, uncles I haven't seen since I was a baby; literally everyone. She had a peaceful passing though surrounded by family on this side of the world and the other. I'm not much of a religious goon, but as she died my family had asked her if she could see them, and she shook her head no. They proceeded to ask her if she could see her husband, she shook her head violently yes. They continued with her mom and dad, and her brothers that had passed before her. She could see them all.

Death is an interesting thing, and when you've got someone so close to the other side, you wonder more about the true destination of our souls. Entering into the medical field just might be the step up into answering some of these questions. Being close to people on the brink of death makes me feel somewhat closer to my mother, but it also draws a lot of blanks in my mind as to why she had to leave us at such a young age. It's just weird that someone can be here one day, and completely lifeless the next. Where did that last breath go? Why did that heart stop beating?

I wonder who reads my blog

I'm having the worst boating withdrawals... I've decided in my future life that me and my husband will have a cabin up north, two husky dogs and a boat. That's all I want. And we'll go boating every other day.

I learned to wakeboard this weekend. I jumped some cliffs. Was last man standing on some rediculous tube rides... but seriously. I can't get my mind off that last run Sunday night with the sun at my back, crossing the wake and carving hard to the right of the boat, leaning my weight against the rope and smiling ear to ear. I'm not sure why, but it was a blissful moment for me where nothing mattered. I need to get on the water again.

On another note, I don't know what the hell to do with this blog.

Where I'm at/ my mental procese (plural)

Right now I have an obsession with Deadmau5 and The Glitch Mob... my music tastes run in cycles. I'm working at Vivint in the ICE department. Call centers... yee-uh. My favorite peice of clothing is my Urban booties. I'm wanting to dye my hair brown... change. In the process of buying a vehicle. Not going too swell. I'm craving a hike up bridal veil with my new camelbak. Ringo Starr is the love of my life... the old Ringo anyways. I don't have a facebook... again. Someone needs to make up my mind for me about that thing. Why? No reason. I just pressed deactivate one day. I need to get back to the gym. I'm missing my high school friends and need to reuinite with them soon. I need to brush up on my glowstringing skillz. My dad is the coolest person I know. I wish I was a badass I will admit. I have not bought a new item of clothing in THE longest time. This blog really needs an updating... maybe this week I won't be so lazy as to do something about it. Morgan Freeman's "Through The Wormhole" is the best show. I play the "anatomy of the skull" game on my iPhone for fun. I can read your mind. I miss a lot of people. I love the spontaniety I've been feeling lately. And I really need to close the computer and go to bed.

Moving forward

I'm sitting in my room listening to Massive Attack as I compile all the pictures of my high school experience to start putting into a memory book. It got me thinking about all of the changes that are going to be occurring within the next few months. Jobs, moving out, friends, family, college, everything. The easiest way to figure out where I'm going is to look at where I've been. Without the past, there is no present, and definitely no future. It's interesting to see how much I've changed in these few short years in high school and in Utah. I'm scared to see what my future holds...

EDIT: (about five minutes later...) What I'm trying to say is, don't forget who you were before you figure out who you are.