Shaking in my boots

I'm just short of two weeks until my move... and I don't know where my mind ends or begins at this point. I've been so stressed about packing, saying goodbyes, and getting my classes together that I've almost forgotten about the more important things.

Saturday was Aunt Helen's funeral. She was a great woman, a saint in fact... and very dear to my own family. Seeing all the extended Cracroft family was overwhelming. Cousins I've never seen before, uncles I haven't seen since I was a baby; literally everyone. She had a peaceful passing though surrounded by family on this side of the world and the other. I'm not much of a religious goon, but as she died my family had asked her if she could see them, and she shook her head no. They proceeded to ask her if she could see her husband, she shook her head violently yes. They continued with her mom and dad, and her brothers that had passed before her. She could see them all.

Death is an interesting thing, and when you've got someone so close to the other side, you wonder more about the true destination of our souls. Entering into the medical field just might be the step up into answering some of these questions. Being close to people on the brink of death makes me feel somewhat closer to my mother, but it also draws a lot of blanks in my mind as to why she had to leave us at such a young age. It's just weird that someone can be here one day, and completely lifeless the next. Where did that last breath go? Why did that heart stop beating?

I wonder who reads my blog

I'm having the worst boating withdrawals... I've decided in my future life that me and my husband will have a cabin up north, two husky dogs and a boat. That's all I want. And we'll go boating every other day.

I learned to wakeboard this weekend. I jumped some cliffs. Was last man standing on some rediculous tube rides... but seriously. I can't get my mind off that last run Sunday night with the sun at my back, crossing the wake and carving hard to the right of the boat, leaning my weight against the rope and smiling ear to ear. I'm not sure why, but it was a blissful moment for me where nothing mattered. I need to get on the water again.

On another note, I don't know what the hell to do with this blog.

Where I'm at/ my mental procese (plural)

Right now I have an obsession with Deadmau5 and The Glitch Mob... my music tastes run in cycles. I'm working at Vivint in the ICE department. Call centers... yee-uh. My favorite peice of clothing is my Urban booties. I'm wanting to dye my hair brown... change. In the process of buying a vehicle. Not going too swell. I'm craving a hike up bridal veil with my new camelbak. Ringo Starr is the love of my life... the old Ringo anyways. I don't have a facebook... again. Someone needs to make up my mind for me about that thing. Why? No reason. I just pressed deactivate one day. I need to get back to the gym. I'm missing my high school friends and need to reuinite with them soon. I need to brush up on my glowstringing skillz. My dad is the coolest person I know. I wish I was a badass I will admit. I have not bought a new item of clothing in THE longest time. This blog really needs an updating... maybe this week I won't be so lazy as to do something about it. Morgan Freeman's "Through The Wormhole" is the best show. I play the "anatomy of the skull" game on my iPhone for fun. I can read your mind. I miss a lot of people. I love the spontaniety I've been feeling lately. And I really need to close the computer and go to bed.

Moving forward

I'm sitting in my room listening to Massive Attack as I compile all the pictures of my high school experience to start putting into a memory book. It got me thinking about all of the changes that are going to be occurring within the next few months. Jobs, moving out, friends, family, college, everything. The easiest way to figure out where I'm going is to look at where I've been. Without the past, there is no present, and definitely no future. It's interesting to see how much I've changed in these few short years in high school and in Utah. I'm scared to see what my future holds...

EDIT: (about five minutes later...) What I'm trying to say is, don't forget who you were before you figure out who you are.

Update

I was rudely awakened this morning with the sense that I was late for work... after a phone call I soon realized I didn't have to be there until four. So now I'm awake at an unusually early time for myself. I feel I should update you on the events of my life since I last blogged. So here goes. (In most recent order because I'm and idiot and posted the pictures backwards. Ha.)
If we're friends on facebook, you've probably seen our Beatle obsession... this is just a taste. Jessie, Maddie, Aubree and I have started watching all of the old Beatle's films and have taken a liking to each of the Beatles as our own... mine being Ringo Starr. Facebook name changes, pictures, tattooing The Beatles and their lyrics all over our bodies, music, posters, movies, accents, tee-shirts... everything. If we're friends, you'll just have to learn to deal with it.

After a grusome last few weeks in high school and a few less than lame activities I finally GRADUATED. East Shore had to have been my most memorable part of high school... and not in a good way.

After our senior all-nighter, I went up the canyon with Taylor and Jessie to camp for the night. We arrived at the campground and were completely set up to sleep by five AM. Not ideal, but we managed to get in a couple hours of shut eye.

And there's the start of summer. Me Jessie and Maddie at Scera pool catching some rays. There's something different about this summer though... and nobody can quite put their thumb on it. It feels almost empty in a way, maybe because I know in the fall I'm not going back to high school. Everyone feels the need to be productive with this last summer, but I feel anything but.

Lost and Found

Currently staring at a pile of clean sheets while sitting atop my unmade bed, listening to Crimewave by Crystal Castles... this is my life lately. Summer has brought me a bunch of displaced motivation.

Monday starts my new job with vivint. Hopefully working a real 12-9 job will get me into some sort of routine. Needless to say a couple grand to start off my college career.

This last week I visited St. George for orientation, finalized my apartment and move in date, and signed up for classes. Want to hear how fantastic these classes of mine are? None of my classes start before 12pm... leaving time for sleep, job, whatever. Monday and Wednesdays I have anatomy, sophmore English, then the anatomy lab. Tuesdays I go to SCUBA class and a lab at the pool. (This is what I anticipate the most...) Thursdays I have psycology, and Friday just anatomy with no lab. I'm quite excited to start learning about things that actually hold an interest in my life.

I realize it's been a while since my last post, but I feel the urge to keep writing. Writing for myself mostly. Things have changed a lot. Even reading posts from months ago I think how much growth I have experienced since. Writing is a way of stepping back and looking at yourself, to make life changes or improve. So I leave on a question that has been lurking somewhere in the cerebral cortex for some time now; who do I want to be and where am I going?

I'm gonna find this guy and marry him